Sleepy Starbucks Afternoon

Sitting here in Starbucks. Thinking it’s likely time to blog again. Wondering what to write about. Then it strikes me. I am sitting here in one of my communities. Perhaps I could write about community.
It is interesting how my views of community and who I am in various communities has changed. I spent my 20s and my 30s downright exhausting myself as I tried to fit myself into the mold which I felt was expected by those around me. I either tried to fit myself into what “the” student should be. What “the” christian should be. What “the” Early Childhood Educator should be. I even tried to define what “the” friend should be.
As a result I felt very disconnected from many communities.
Then, in my early 40s something interesting happened (and it wasn’t a simple, overnight process and was in fact filled with some painful moments). I realized that I was absolutely exhausted trying to be “the perfect _____ member”. At the urging of a few near and dear to me, I finally decided to try just being me. That was pretty dern scary as I had been so many different aspects of me, but not shown much of me to many.
As I started just being me in all of the different settings, I discovered something…I like people, I love networking, I am a huge connector of communities or people. Above all, I discovered that people in a number of different communities were freer to share their lives with me, because they could see something genuine.
At first, although I was being freer in all of my communities and not acting like someone I was not, I was selectively revealing who I was. The interesting this latelt, is that God has been prompting me, reminding me that all areas of my life are part of me…so things have been happening like talking about faith with coffee shop folk, talking about work with church folk…etc., etc., While still maintaining boundaries (I mean…you really don’t need to know about my last trip to the washroom) more of my communities are seeing more of the whole me…and it’s getting less scary…and it’s a good thing…and I am continuing to grow and learn…and have meandering coffee shop thoughts…

Pushing Past Blog Block

So…over a week and I have not blogged. I think that I have writer’s block…blog block? Granted it has been a busy enough week, but I’d be lying if I said there hasn’t been enough time to sit down and blog. So, why have I not blogged? I suppose that the first few posts were spurred either by something about which I felt a need to vent, or were introducing me and the blog. But life is not all about venting or introductions…life has its mundane moments as well..so, I suppose, do blogs.
Event as I type that I realized that I am looking for amazing moments, important topics, etc. to blog about…I am thinking about people’s expectations. But, life is not only about the brilliant moments, the deep insights…sometimes it is just about the everyday tasks…about normalcy.
The interesting thing which I have learned about the day in/day out of life is that the simplest, most mundane of tasks can, out of the blue, give us a new insight, and often when we are not even looking for it…in fact, quite often when we are not looking for it. Of course, some of this can depend on personality type…I am a natural teacher…so I am always going to see lessons learned (an artist may suddenly notice the shape of something, the mathematician — the pattern).
So…where are these meandering thoughts leading? Need they lead anywhere? (after all, didn’t Jerry Seinfeld have a long running TV series about nothing?)
Perhaps it is partly about accepting all of the moments of life. They need not all be spectacular, but they are all part of who you are and your journey…
Or maybe it is just about pushing past writers block by just getting something on the page…

Repost to show that you care! (Give me a break!)

      “If you care about Jesus, puppies, and your mother means the world to you, repost this in the next 10 minutes. If you don’t then you don’t care about kids with cancer, world peace and cute little baby seals. 94.2% of you will be cowards and not repost this. Will you be part of the 3% who repost this? Come on. Take a stand! Let the cute pandas live, and show that you are proud of your faith”

Arghhhhhhhh! How many times have we seen something along the lines of the above on facebook. Some of them are just plain annoying…some are downright manipulative. The “faith” ones drive me nutty. My faith is not defined or explained in a meme on facebook. My faith is lived out. My relationship with God is not defined by what I do or do not post on facebook. Most importantly…my Jesus is not one of manipulation and these posts are extremely so!

And don’t get me started on the cancer ones either. I care about cancer awareness. I lost my brother to cancer. I have lost friends to cancer as well, and know those who have been cured or are in remission. I just don’t like my level of caring about cancer (or any disease or cause) being defined by a 2 second action on facebook. I would rather highlight individuals who are hitting the pavement raising funds to help with cancer research, those who are fighting the battle, those who are holding what remains of their friend’s hair back as the chemo is making her gut wrenchingly sick on the way to a cure.

So…if I don’t repost the post about Jesus, cancer, puppy mills, etc…realize that it is because I actually care too much to allow it to be minimized to a pithy, manipulative statement.

Now…of course, if you don’t repost this blog post it is apparent to me that you kick baby guinea pigs and trip the elderly as they pass by…  🙂

Space age buses?

I have begun to wonder if our buses are way more high tech than I have realized. I think that they must have force fields at several points and it is only due to my superpowers (I work with children…that is my superpower) that I am able to make my way all the way to the back of the bus.
Often, I will enter a bus and encounter the people who must have the weakest powers, who are not able to make it through the first forcefield, which seems to be only a few feet behind the driver. This is the only possible explanation for the bottleneck at the front of the bus! I sucessfully, after several “excuse me” “pardon me”s make it through that first forcefield to notice that near the back of the bus there are about 6 seats. There are 5 people standing….Now…the mathematics which I learned says that all 5 people could be seated and there would still be 1 seat left over. However…the old math did not account for the second force field that seems to exist halfway down the aisle of the bus. If the person closest to the back is not able to break that forcefield…the new math seems to dictate that 6 empty seats, 5 people and one forcefield equal 5 people standing…
I will never understand the new math. Or some of my fellow commuters on the bus.

And I will truly never understand some of my fellow 40ish folks who will sit in courtesy seating and not move for someone with a cane, or of an age or obviously lessened ability to stand on a moving bus. In fact, ALL seats on a bus should be courteously offered to someone less able to stand. People always rant about “teens these days”. They are, in fact, some of the most quick to offer a seat.
If you are a bus commuter…PLEASE test your superpowers and break through those forcefields!

Have a (nice) (grumpy) (sad) (sleepy) (whatever) day!

I saw something today on facebook that I appreciated so much, that it sparked me to write something here. A friend had commented that she was having a grumpy, frustrated, annoyed sort of day. Honesty is always refreshing, but that was not what struck me. What I really appreciated was that not a single comment in response to this was of the “turn that frown upside down” variety. Yes, a couple of friends commented that they hoped that her day would get better, but not in any sort of way that put down or minimized where she was at. In fact, one friend suggested that if she was alone, sometimes a good yell and stamp of the feet can be therapeutic.

There have been so many times that I have seen or heard people mention that they are feeling sad (grumpy, sleepy, annoyed, name your emotion…) and heard people essentially say “Cheer up”. I think that sometimes people do this because they feel that life should fit in nice little boxes, everything should have easy answers, and life is always rosy. Well…life doesn’t fit in boxes, lots of life is pretty stinkin’ confusion…and those roses…likely needed some fertilizer…and fertilizer is basically poop…and well, yeah…life is full of that, too!

I don’t know about you, but I am human (really…I am!). As part of the human experience, I experience a number of emotions (…sometimes over the course of a half hour). There is a difference between experiencing an emotion and resting in it. If you see someone who is having a grumpy moment, by and large if you let them have it, it will pass! I have a friend who laughs at me (in a good natured way) as she will ask how I am doing and in the course of answering, if I am (for example) angry, I have often by the end of about 5 minutes of talking identified why I am angry, and a solution or two. [side note here: In healthy and even friendships, don’t be afraid to have these moments…chances are that you will be the listener at some future date].
Conversely, if a person is hearing when they express an emotion things along the lines of “Turn that frown upside down” , “Look at all the blessings in your life, how can you be sad (mad, grumpy, etc.)” unless that person has a good sense of self, can begin to minimize or stifle their emotions.So many people are already giving themselves those internal, false messages anyway.
Giving pat answers doesn’t give a chance to grow deep with each other. Sometimes pat answers come because we are afraid of the silence and feel a need to say something. Don’t be afraid of the silence. Sometimes a hand on the shoulder, a friendly smile, or a piece of chocolate 🙂 can speak far more than a thousand words.

So…everyone out there…have a day…whatever kind of day you are having. Quite possibly tomorrow (or the next hour) will be different. Embrace the now.

As for me, I am having a day when I am continuing to celebrate how alive writing makes me feel!

Whatcha talkin’ about squirrel

I have received feedback from a few people to whom I’ve mentioned the title of the blog that they don’t understand the title. I have inserted an image from the film “UP”. If you have not seen this movie, you must!
(Very sweet Pixar film). In it, there are dogs who have collars which allow them to speak human English. This is wonderful, yet the are still dogs and somewhat distractable by things such as squirrels running past. The image should insert itself here:

Therefore, to some people, a randomly inserted “squirrel” is a comment on their personal distractability. I think that some of us who are multitaskers by nature have a higher number of “squirrel” moments, as our brain is often processing 143.8 things at a time.

Don’t be putting me in a box! (faith and life)

Day 3…still blogging! Woo Hoo! One of these days I will figure out the ins and out of how to  categorize posts and how to edit them, etc.  Or…maybe I won’t…ah, probably will (welcome to my internal dialogue.

Today’s post go its title from the fact that I am hard to fit in a box, no matter how hard I tried to fit myself into one in my 20s (and let’s admit, my 30s as well…I’m a slow learner).

I shall begin by making a confession. I am something which, at times, is one of the most shocking things to be in Canada. I am…are you ready for it?…really?..SURE you can handle it?…I am a… Christian. I’m buddies with that dude who lived, died and resurrected 2000ish years ago.

Why did I give all of that build up before? Because there are lots of preconceptions about what a Christian (more precisely a Christian who attends an evangelical church) looks like and acts like. So what does it mean? It means that I have chosen to make Jesus central in my life, and like so many have many moments when I fail to remember that. (“Yes Jesus, I know that you are the great comforter, but chocolate is SO much more tangible at the moment…” Can anyone relate to that one? Can I hear an “Amen”?).

I am also something which may make much of  Canada say “Cool” and parts of the evangelical church (or individuals therein) GASP. I am….left leaning in my politics…My favourite US president was Jimmy Carter, and the Canadian political party with whom I identify most is the NDP  (They tend to be the best at the whole feeding the widows and orphans thing…)

So…am I the type of Christian who is going to whack you upside the head with a Bible? No. Am I the type of NDPer who is going to tie an orange scarf around your neck while drinking an Orange Crush (sorry non-Canadians…inside joke). Am I the type of person who is going to start talking to the people who work at Starbucks and spontaneously break into song if someone says something which reminds me of a song. Um…YES…of course!!!

Why did I share this? To give a glimpse of who I am, but also to maybe open people’s eyes up to the fact that many of the views that we have about people who identify themselves with certain groups are not necessarily based on getting to know the individual, but on preconceived notions. The Christian church has done lots of great things, but individuals within it have done some mighty STUPID and downright hurtful things…and many things which jesus would NEVER have done. But…I believe Jesus lived a perfect life on earth. No one else has. People say stupid things. People do stupid things. I know that you will find this hard to believe, but I have even done a stupid thing or two or a million in my life.

Some of you might read this and think “Man…is this going to be one of those preachy blogs? I’m outta here.”. Nope, I am not a preachy type, but faith is part of who I am, so I just wanted to get it out there. Very few of my posts are likely to be based on faith or politics…but since I’m being myself here, both are likely to sneak into my blog.

I am going to attempt to attach a video here of a work of slam poetry done by a young man who used to attend my church. I warn sensitive readers here that “the F bomb” is used several times…so if you can’t hear past that, you may not want to watch this. This video may offend some, but that is not my intent. I post this as a way of sharing how it hurts my heart the way that some people have been treated in the name of Christ. I will never apologize for my faith…but I do apologize for some of the things which I know break God’s heart.

What was in that tea?

What is this all about anyway?

Through the years, many people have affirmed my writing and said that I should write more. I heard them. I likely nodded and smiled and thought “I really ought to do that someday”. Then days passed…and weeks…and years. I didn’t make time to write. To be quite honest, I think that I held back and didn’t write because I was too caught up in what other people think. Well…**cough** years ago I turned 40 and began to realize that I can’t live my life by what others think.

So…here I am…starting a blog. I am known to be an individual who has deep thoughts and insights, but is also a bit of a goofball. Oh…and I can be kind of distractable…oohh! Shiny!!!…so don’t be surprised if one post is serious and another is totally weird and unrelated. In fact, I fully suspect that both will happen (several times per post sometimes).

Welcome along for the ride. It will be interesting to see where this goes…I certainly don’t have a clue.

 

(and back to not worrying about what others think… If you don’t like ellipses [ … ], I ought to warn you that you are going to see a bunch of them, because I love them…and likely totally misuse them…along with really long parenthetical phrases)